I’ve
known for a long time that Jasper would need eye surgery. Strabismus
surgery, to straighten his eyes - strabismus is the condition where the eyes do not line up, they do not work together to
look in the same direction, at the same object. I cannot remember if his doctors
first mentioned surgery at three weeks... or three months. Then, it was
described as distant, something I would not have to worry about for a few
years. Last January, Jasper’s ophthalmologist told me otherwise - surgery should
happen by summer. Looking at the calendar, summer is officially a few
weeks away. Jasper’s surgery will follow nine days later, on June 29th.
Structurally,
Jasper’s eyes are perfect - more perfect than mine. I am so severely nearsighted that, if not correctable with lenses, I would be considered legally
blind. Jasper’s impairment occurs in the brain, when it receives visual
information. Strabismus surgery is not a cure for his cortical visual
impairment. It will simply - hopefully - straighten his eyes so they can work
together, and give him a better chance of developing stereoscopic,
three-dimensional vision. The earlier this is done, the better the chances for
success, before the depth perception area of his brain is set. Surgery is not a
cure for his impairment. My hope is that we might at least check off a few
boxes.
There
are other options besides surgery. Time consuming therapy, time we do not have.
Ever since Jasper was born I have been keenly aware that with each passing day,
we lose time. As if the Wicked Witch of the West had turned over her hourglass
as soon as Jasper came into this world. Each day, we work on making as many
synaptic connections as we can, but is it enough? Enough for his brain to
compensate for stroke? Not having
surgery is another option. The risk is that one eye weakens, and eventually the
brain forgets about it. Blindness in the weak eye is the result.
Strabismus
surgery does not always take, and may need to be repeated. The eyes are
straightened by repositioning the eye muscles, which are accessed by pulling down
the lower lids. Surgery will be done on both eyes. Afterward, Jasper’s eyes
will be blood red. His brain will decide whether it takes.
I
spent a few weeks vacillating between having Jasper’s regular ophthalmologist perform
the surgery at Swedish First Hill, or having it done by the pediatric opthalmologist at Seattle Children’s
Hospital. Although I am strongly attached to Children’s, I opted to stick with
our guy. Today I received information from Swedish on surgery procedure and
prep (no hairspray or cologne for Jasper, day of surgery). Reading through the literature, all I could think was, I wish we could do this at Children’s...
Being in familiar surroundings would be a tremendous comfort.
One
of my biggest fears is anesthesia. I can stay with Jasper until he is asleep. Surgery
typically lasts 45 minutes to an hour. As soon as it is appropriate, I can be
with him in recovery. I worry about the interim. I worry about seeing my baby asleep in the
hospital, and going through PTSD, back to when Jasper was a newborn in the
NICU.
Maybe
the new setting will help after all.
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